


im a kitty cat (and i dance dance dance)

by soclosethatisafruit



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Multi, catboy Marius, i felt bad for the galahad angst so have some catboy marius getting pets, ze/hir tim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28541118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soclosethatisafruit/pseuds/soclosethatisafruit
Summary: There was, in fact, an objective ranking of which of his fellow Mechanisms and partners had the best laps to take a nap on. Marius had perfected it over the centuries, finding which crew member had the perfect mix of comfy thighs, ability to sit down for extended periods of time, warmth, and petting skills.
Relationships: Ashes O'Reilly/Marius von Raum, Drumbot Brian/Marius von Raum, Ivy Alexandria/Marius von Raum, Jonny d'Ville/Marius von Raum, Marius Von Raum/Nastya Rasputina, Marius von Raum/Gunpowder Tim, Marius von Raum/The Toy Soldier, Raphaella la Cognizi/Marius von Raum, The Mechanisms Ensemble/Marius von Raum, The Mechanisms Ensemble/The Mechanisms Ensemble
Comments: 8
Kudos: 75





	im a kitty cat (and i dance dance dance)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Flavoredfaeman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flavoredfaeman/gifts).



> no more galahad angst only catboy marius being loved

There was, in fact, an objective ranking of which of his fellow Mechanisms and partners had the best laps to take a nap on. Marius had perfected it over the centuries, finding which crew member had the perfect mix of comfy thighs, ability to sit down for extended periods of time, warmth, and petting skills. At the bottom of the list was Jonny, a mean and cruel partner who would pull Marius’s tail every time he tried to get comfy. Marius would yowl, and then either scratch, bite, or shoot Jonny, depending on his mood. Because this happened immediately nearly every time Marius got into his lap, he didn’t have the ability to gauge the comfiness or warmth of his lap, and this got him a very low score in the sitting still department. So Jonny landed at the bottom of the list, even if he did scratch his ears very nicely once he recovered from being shot. 

Next was the Toy Soldier. It did try its best, but its lap was unfortunately cold and hard, despite its efforts to make it otherwise, which included pillows and heating pads on its legs. It did get points for enthusiasm though, as well as for not getting mad at Marius for using its legs as a scratching post, and instead making him his very own cat tree. It had gotten many kisses for that present. Overall though, despite how very hard it tried, and its excellent ability for staying still and headpats, the Toy Soldier also landed near the bottom of the list. Marius much preferred cuddling it, and both parties were quite satisfied with curling up in a bed to nap, or pretend to nap, together, the Toy Soldier’s hand petting dutifully away at Marius’s curls even as it pretended to sleep with him clinging to it.

Next up was Raphaella. She landed this low mainly because of her complete and utter inability to sit down long enough to nap on. She was always flitting around her lab, working on various Sciences, never just sitting down and allowing him to nap on her. It was really quite rude. With such unkind treatment, could you really blame him for doing what all reasonable cats would, and knocking her beakers off the counters and onto the floor? And if it killed them both, really that was on Raph, she should have seen this coming. However, on the rare occasion that Marius was able to get her to sit down long enough to nap on her, she had very comfy and warm thighs. What really put her above TS, though, was her propensity for wrapping her wings around people, which made a very nice weighted blanket. But it was really quite unfortunate how rarely she was available, so she stayed towards the bottom.

Next was Nastya. She was usually difficult to find, spending most of her time either in the rafters or the vents of her girlfriend. However, this was a fun little hunt, and made the victory of finding her and limbing up into her lap all the more sweet, so Marius didn’t have an issue with it. She did give very good pets, with a very good amount of pressure on his head, which he very much appreciated, and she wasn’t constantly moving around, but the main downside was that she was a bastard. She did not hesitate to draw on Marius’s face while he was asleep, which was quite rude, especially when she had an unlimited supply of the Very Permanent Markers Raph had developed, that would last through about 50 washes and 3 deaths. And her lap was cold, a side effect of the metal blood, unless he happened to find her in the engine room. 

Right in the middle was Tim. Ze knew exactly where to scratch on Marius’s ears for The Perfect Scritches, which brought him up to 4th place. Ze also smelled very nice, floral and smoky at the same time, in a way that somehow didn’t clash. The calming scent of Home on his partner put Marius right to sleep. Despite that though, hir leg bounced a lot, which Marius understood, but bouncing was not very good to nap on, and hir lap was not as comfy as some of the others, which kept hir out of the top three.

Third was Brian. Despite being metal, he had a very comfy and very warm lap, and with his pilot duties, he did end up sitting in one place for extended periods of time. The thing that was the real advantage though? The sounds, the gentle whirring of machinery that was a constant when napping on Brian, along with his steady heartbeat, made curling up with his head on Brian’s chest very comforting indeed. But the one big downside was that Brian, being made of metal, was very dentable. Marius had, on multiple occasions, forgotten the power of his own metal hand, and dented Brian’s leg when he was just trying to make biscuits. Nastya, being the one who had to un-dent Brian, had shot him for this, and being shot was very not fun. So Brian fell just below the first two.

Next up, in second place, was Ashes. They had the comfiest lap, warm and soft and perfect to lay across and nap to his heart’s content. They were also a very good petter, calloused hands far more gentle than any outsider would expect from Ashes O’Reilly cupping his ears and tangling in his hair. They smelled like smoke, something that any mortal who had heard anything about them would fear, but to Marius it was a comforting, routine part of them, and he was happy to be enveloped in their scent as he napped. The only downside to napping on Ashes lap was that they had these pesky things called ‘responsibilities’. Because they had to ‘do things’, something Marius knew nothing about, they had to get up more often than some of the other crew members. But when they lounged in their armchair that was definitely not a throne, and Marius knew they wouldn’t have to go anywhere, he would happily jump into their lap at the first opportunity. (And sometimes even if he knew they had things to do, he would anyways, for even the Mechanisms weren’t cruel enough to move with a cat napping on them.)

And now, finally, last but the very opposite of least, the Mechanism with the objectively, scientifically proven best lap was Ivy. The thing about Ivy is that she could always be counted on to be in her library or her archive when she wasn’t spending time with the crew, and she was always willing to sit down and read with Marius on her lap. Though she often got distracted from petting with her reading, she always read out loud, her soothing voice and the turning of pages lulling Marius to sleep. Her lap was warm and comfy, and sometimes she would lay a soft fluffy blanket over Marius, tucking him in for his nap. Objectively, 100% Sciencely, she was the best napping place out of all of his partners. Hopefully, this Objective Science would stop him from getting murdered too much for his ranking, but he didn’t have high hopes. He knew, even when they murdered him repeatedly, they loved him and he would get many cuddles and pets and kisses.


End file.
